Bedtime Confessions (The Chambermaid's Tales - Short Stories) by Sarah Michelle Lynch

Author:Sarah Michelle Lynch [Lynch, Sarah Michelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sarah Michelle Lynch
Published: 2013-09-07T21:00:00+00:00

Two hours later…

Flo and I have had a few too many glasses of her family's Dom Perignon. Her parents practically own a fucking section of France for goodness sake.

We're a touch inebriated to say the least. We'd planned to have a little drink to send the Chambermaid on her way, and we weren't going to be deterred by my impending meeting with The Baron. More on that menace of a man later…

We're laughing loudly in the conservatory at the back of the house. I am sprawled in my joggers and Blondie t-shirt and she's wearing one of her trademark tents; a bright-purple kaftan that slips over her head and that's it. No effort. And she still looks stunning, with her dark features, alabaster skin and not a scrap of fat or tissue anywhere. She's a walking mannequin.

“In the book,” she says, holding a proof copy, “you mention a man called Ralph. Tell me about him. He sounds… tiny. Just how tiny?”

“Ah, Ralph,” I say, smiling. “He was one of my first. He was fun.”

She raises her eyebrows and I giggle. She wants to know. Perhaps she needs some titillating story to work herself up with in bed later. After all the bubbly, she will certainly be taking the guest bedroom. I'm generous. I shall give her something to think on later…

“I remember the day he called me, saying he needed some help. I asked for specifications and he…” I smile, chuckling, “…sent me a photo.”

Flo's eyes widen and she looks amused. “Tell me more,” she shrills, giggling like a teenager who's had too many alcopops, not the £3,000-a-bottle stuff we're currently lining our racing veins with.

“It was really small. I mean, I thought he was joking when he sent me a picture of it. It was…”

“Smaller than a pinky?” she asks.

“Smaller,” I say softly, “but with gigantic balls. Huge balls. I mean, literally, tennis balls. No wonder he has six kids!”

“But‒”

“Ah,” I interrupt her, “I'll get to it.”

I sit up on the wicker lounger I am sprawled on and cross my legs in front of me, playing with the flute in my hands a little as I compose myself, ready to tell her all.

“So, I said to him, what can we do about that? You know, I mean, even a suction pump can only do so much! But he said his wife was getting difficult to please. I drew the obvious conclusions, of course.”

At that point, Flo spews champagne from her mouth. Yes, my millionairess, artiste-extraordinaire friend, splutters all over my furniture.

“Woman, will you control yourself?” I joke.

“How could anyone possibly help him?” she asks, laughing her head off like a hyena.

“We all know it's not about the size,” I remind her, with reference to Mark and his whopping prick, which did nothing to recompense his whopping ego and desire for kinky tricks of the darkest order.

“Oh come on,” she says, “if a man is that small, surely?”

“Well,” I say seriously, and take myself back, looking her in the eye

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.